tv Piers Morgan Tonight CNN December 25, 2012 6:00pm-7:00pm PST
look forward to helping. >> good for you. good for you. barbra, it's been such a pleasure. i've waited to long for this moment. you've not disappointed. >> thank you so much. >> this is "release me" which is as stunning as your eyes look on there. and "the guilt trip," funny, warm, smart, poignant, bursting with talent. it is barbara streisand on film. a wa more can i say? good to barbra streisand.com for all things barbara. come back, please. don't leave it so long. it took 47 years to get you in front of me. >> 47? >> i'm 47. >> you were a baby and you wanted to do an interview. >> yes. >> you don't have to exaggerate. >> the first thing that came out of my mouth. barbra, lovely to see you. the great barbra streisand. tonight my favorite and most talked about interviews of the year. >> the most important thing to
remember is i did not punch the guy. >> superstars. >> you have this amazing job. show up and be prepared. >> scandals. >> any excuse i make, whether it was a rough time in my life or the people that were there are my friends and they kind of baited me to it, none of that matters. >> i love maria. she has been truly the only love that i've ever had. >> the laughs. >> you're not pronouncing it correctly. it's 50 shades of chartreuse. >> you look fantastic. that mean i looked terrible before. >> and those that shocked us. >> you want to get out, you will get out. >> heavyweights. >> i don't want to beat them up. >> the fastest human alive. >> fans are one of the biggest things to me. >> and without a doubt the most explosive and dangerous interview of my entire life. >> where are you going? >> i'm interested in what happened. >> no, you're not interested. what are you doing? what the hell are you doing? >> people are still talking about. tonight we'll see why. piers morgan the entertainers
starts now. good evening, this year i've talked to in of the top entertainers in the world. the people who make us laugh, who make us cry, i discovered when i sat down with them, they also make us think. every one has fascinating and sometimes surprising things to say about the wider world outside the glittering confine of hollywood. every one of them is also a lot of fun. tonight you'll hear in some of my favorites. we begin with a man who is almost as famous for his outbursts as his acting and now embodies the thinking man's ceo on "30 rock," he is, of course, alec baldwin. >> cleverly alluded to moments ago. >> your relationship with media is fascinating because you've always been very good copy for them, and you sort of played the game. on occasion you blow up and now you seem to be almost in a permanent rage with hem. why do you have such conflict with them? >> i don't think i really do have any conflict with them in the sense that that guy you're talking about, that photographer, i mean, i think the most important thing to remember is i did not punch the
guy. and the guy was overheard by witnesses going down the street going through his camera with his finger going yeah, there's one. there's a good one. oh, i like that one. he's going through the whole roll of the film on his digital camera. then they go down to the police station, then he presses charges and the charges are dismissed. i don't think i'm somebody who i had the new york city da office in my pocket. they didn't believe the guy had been struck and dismissed the charges. there was no case there. >> but is there a way to deal with the -- i say this with great respect because i know you get much more attention than i would. whenever i come across these guys, especially tmz. they follow you around with a video. >> you have a very low threshold for entertainment. >> i find it a necessary bapartf the business. i would call them attacks, attacks on show business. >> my attitude is the business would be infinitely better if all of them were gone. >> really? >> if i could press a button and
flush them down some swirling sewer vortex, i would do it. where's the button? hand it to me now. >> here's the deal, we'll leave you alone but you can never have any more publicity in any newspaper or magazine for anything you do? >> that is not practical. you and i know that you will have publicity. i'm not opposed to, even though i'm not ecstatic about all the entertainment journalism out there it cheapens show business and demystifies show business, but the ones that you call this kind of gotcha journalism, that's one that i think we can all do without. >> last time you were on the show i got great feedback to the back story that you bring. before you even get to making movies. but the one thing i came away from was that you had, in changing a life around, the work ethic that you brought to everything that you now do. it's incredibly impressive. nothing tells it more than that. what you did, that particular
scene is the single most prepared human being. it's astonishing. he's versatile. always surprising such a humble guy. and you're not, you're not like oh, look at me, i can do this. but an amazing thing that you can do that kind of scene in one hit. it shows proper dedication. >> well, that's your job, you know? i've worked with many actor who have been paid a lot of money and they show up and they don't know their lines. >> any names? >> yeah, i'll tell you after the show. it's frustrating to me because you're getting paid a lot of money. just show up and be prepared. you know? just worked with russell crowe and the guy is such a pro. i mean, we had pages and pages of monologues, and the guy just every single time. >> who are the best prepared? i wouldn't expect you to dish the dirt on the underprepared. but who are the ones you look at and go, that's where i want to be? >> russell crowe is extremely prepared. you know, robert duvall is, you know, the consummate
professional. >> when you wanted to get into show business, was part of the allure of it being famous, if you're honest, when you look back to that time? >> i would have to say -- this is true of a lot of comedians, and i've talked to other comedians and heard them say the same thing. and i defy anyone to deny this. for most of us, it's getting girls to notice us. it really is. and it's still probably on some level. i'm very happily married, two kids. but there is something initially especially in those early days, you notice, you go through the checklist in your mind of what do i have that might interest a girl. and i didn't have much. i would go through the list. i'm not a good athlete, da, da, da, my skin's not so -- go down the list, the hair's a little silly. the name's weird. then they laugh. when i start joking around, they laugh and they hang around a
little bit. so probably that's the initial -- if i'm going to be brute ale honest, it was just to get -- >> just to get girls. >> and not to get them. to get them to look in my direction, piers. i'm taking it down to a much more basic level. you know? >> aaron, you said, i feel like a lot of news outlets have abdicated their responsibility. i met people that want to carry that torch of edward r. murrow. critics would say you have to live in the real world here a little bit in the sense that if you go too highfalutin with your news coverage, if you try to do it in the purest sense, what your character does in this show, he does it great. especially if it's not big breaking news. for a hard unpalatable fact that it's true. >> i know that's true. >> it's hard. how do you tackle that? now you've had your toes dipped in our waters for a while. if you were running a news
network, what would you say? >> let me back up and say, i don't have to live in the real world, i'm a fiction writer. i get to write a democratic administration that can get things done. and i get to write about a very idealistic newsroom where these guys reach unrealistically high so they foul down a lot, but we're still rooting for them anyway. but there's no question that the antagonist in this show is -- doesn't come so much in the form of a person, although that's the role jane fonda place and that's the role that chris messina plays. it's ratings, that if we have a problem in this country with the news, it's at least as much the consumer's fault as the provider's fault. but this show doe't live in the real world. it seems like it does because it's set against the backdrop of real news events. we never do fictional news.
the characters are all fictional and not based on anybody. i know you're going to get to that question. but it's -- they're constantly referencing don kquixote and brigadoon and its parent company is atlantis and these are all lost cities. >> unabashedly romantic. and he excels in that. the happy ending, the swashbuckling, he said. and aaron told me when we started this, he goes, by the way, if you're in here to be likable all the time, it won't work that way. you're going to fail. will is going to fail miserably. we do. over the first season, it is a struggle, just like the struggle a lot of these tv journalists say they're going through. >> it was really a quite speck tech lack [ bleep ]. >> thank you very much. >> some of my favorite singers tell their stories. i was about to ask you how many
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aside from a bruising enkunter with one dwekter on twitter i genuinely enjoy talking to new artists. then there are those rare occasions when i can ask a singer which of his songs or her songs means the most to them. ♪ hello that was terrible. >> oh, god. >> i should stick to "penny lover." what charisma, fascinating dude, love his funky stuff, not into the ballads. >> you know the answer to that. he's not in love yet. as soon as -- >> that is true. no, listen. >> "dancing on the ceiling" until you meet the right girl. >> a reviewer for years, the reviews were sappy, syrupy, sticky, gummy, here's lionel again with another one of those songs. then all of a sudden he reviewed me 20 years later. lionel do you have another one of those amazing ballads.
you're married now. two kids, and my wife and i were married -- truly until you fall in love you know nothing about what i'm talking about. >> have you ever made love to your own music? >> you have asked me -- who is this guy? you mean my first love was not enough? >> i need more from you. >> the answer is absolutely not. >> never? >> are you kidding me? >> a bit awkward? >> i love it when someone says, do you whisper? of course i do. are you kidding me? how tacky. >> who is the biggest most romantic sexual singer you've ever deployed? >> holy cow. that's pretty interesting. well, marvin gaye. >> has to be, right? >> marvin did it for me. >> i want to talk about a girl straight off the top. talk about the elephant in the room. you're one of the most famous country singers ever. and you're married to one of the
most famous country singers ever. your husband and i have never met. i feel like i know him really well. the reason is for the last six years on "america's got talent" i've seen more acts murdering your husband's songs than probably any other musician or singer alive. if i had to hear one more version of -- ♪ if tomorrow ever comes . it gave me severe earaches. i'd like to apologize to him through you for the massacring of his music. >> at least you have a connection with him. you massacred that yourself there. it was pretty bad. >> trying to sing "hello" to lionel richie. >> were you really trying? >> i like to make the guest feel like they're the star contrary to public perception. with you and lionel, you think you're better singers. >> an ego boost. that's nice of you. >> perk you up a bit. you sold 10 million albums? >> something like that.
>> what's the worst song you've ever written? >> i don't even want to say it. >> one that makes you shiver. >> this is cnn. come on. >> your worst bruno mars song you have ever written, one that even now makes you come out in a weird sweat. >> me and my partner phil wrote a song called "bedroom bandit." that's all i have to say. >> i can't even imagine. how bad those lyrics are. >> if you had been in the studio, we thought we were going to win 18 grammys off this song. we thought it was -- then the next day we call each other up, what were we thinking? >> you've been involved with songs about desperately wanting to be a billionaire. >> and that's the beauty about "billionaire." if you listen to the lyrics of it, it's really not about -- i mean, it is, and we touch on it a little bit. but why i wrote "billionaire" i wrote it when i was flat broke.
i just helped write a song for florida, the number one song for i don't know how many weeks. it broke records. and i was flat broke. >> how? >> because -- well, i can explain all that. it was just -- it works differently for songwriters. songwriters, you have to wait for residuals, pray the song will be a hit and a year later you might get a check. >> so you're seeing this song go around the world, massive, huge, international hit and you're making nothing. >> and i can't buy a sandwich. >> literally? >> literally. >> what is the song of all the songs that you've ever been involved with, what is the one, if i said, right, glen, you've got five minute to live, you can play one song to be remembered by, the defining song. >> well, you know, i have my favorite records. >> what's your number one? >> i loved "one of these
nights." i thought that was a really interesting song, cowboy r&b, fuzz tones instead of saxophones. great soul singer don henley. cool chord progression. mine. and that was one of my absolute favorite eagles records. >> who of all the acts out there now, who's the one that ek sites you, the modern crowd? >> i love adele. you know. and i think i watched the grammy this year and the grammys there was a lot of glamour, a lot of dancers, there was a lot of flash, there was a lot of that. then adele came on. and everybody was dressed in black. and they only had white light on her. and she just stood there and burned. >> when we come back, my fachb rit sports interviews of the year. the men and women who inspire us with their quest to be the best. yes! yes! yes! >> oh, come on!
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what it takes to be the very best and what it feels like to be a world champion. what a moment. for you, eh? the green jacket. can i touch it? >> yeah, go ahead. >> how does it feel? >> it feels nice. >> how does it really feel to be bubba watson right now? >> it's overwhelming. people like yourself wanting to talk to me. for me to come to new york and do these interviews and meet you for first time. it's a special time. >> why have you given me the big exclusive interview. somebody's told me the rather unnerving reason why. >> because when you were on this other show "america's got talent" you were a [ bleep ]. so i wanted to come here and make fun of you just like you make fun of everybody else. >> i heard that was the reason. it genuinely was, wasn't it? >> yeah. >> because i'm a [ bleep ]. i don't care how we got you here, i'll take it. how hard it is, mike, for people who have been at the top of boxing with all the adrenaline and the buildup to these fights for months that you get in
there, the adrenaline rush, the public going crazy and then the actual fight, then suddenly it's all over. you don't have it in your life any more. >> yeah, then you go to drugs, too. you try to get that high again. but then you realize tall drugs, all the meth, all the cocaine, all the linger, you can't produce that high no more. you can't produce that high. then you realize that high comes from within. you know. and for many of us, entertainers, just people with a lot of money in general, we have to be all failed in that and we tried to succeed in get happiness through substance. >> do you still -- last time i interviewed you you gave me the feeling that you're not completely confident that you won't blow up again. how do you feel now? >> i don't put myself in those situations. i never look at myself, this could never bother me again. once i think that way, i'm looking for my next hit. once i feel like this is how i think, i feel i'm the man again. i can never get high. any moment now i'm ready for the
next line. that's just who i am. that's how much of an animal i am when it comes to drugs and addiction. i'm really a nasty animal. it's changed my life. i'm with my family. i'm learning how to be a functional human being in society. it is just so awesome. >> when was the last time you hit a man? >> i don't know. maybe three years ago at the airport. remember that ordeal in the -- >> with the photographer, yeah. good shot? >> yeah. no. i'm so happy because i was getting ready to hit him with the camera. i'm so happy i didn't hit him with the camera. i wouldn't be here. >> i presume the paparazzi give you a pretty easy ride now, right? >> i know how to handle them now. i don't want to beat them up. just love them. just love them. >> last time i saw you play for real was at wimbledon. it was about three years ago. you were playing a quarterfinal game against a tiny eastern
european waif. it was the single most brutal thing i've ever seen on my sports arena ever. >> now you're making me feel bad. >> you didn't feel bad at the time. but inwardly, i wanted to get on the court and rescue this poor girl. >> oh, no. >> it was a high form of brutality that was going on. you just obliterated her. but what i was struck by was the longer it went on, just the more ruthless you became. the more in the zone, the louder, the more physically empowering. it was the most impressive thing i've seen in sport for years. what do you feel when you're going through that kind of process. >> yeah. >> you're in the zone and you're winning, what do you experience? >> well, when you're out there, you have to take the winner's attitude, as i do, and i can't go out there thinking i'm feeling sorry because they're trying to win, too. this is my job. my job is to go out there and do the best that i can at that
moment in time because you never know what happens tomorrow. >> what does it take to be a champion? not just any old champion, to be a great champion? >> well, it's just hard work. for me, it was just hard work and dedication. as i said, you just need a team because for me, i remember this year i was going on and doing well, doing well. then all of a sudden i got to the trials, i lost. and i was like -- and i refocused and i really talked to my coach, talked to my friends, they came together and they explained to me, there's no need to worry. potential my coach. we have three, four week to go, one month. letz's just put the work in, sacrifice a few things the and get it done. i did just that. >> what is it that motivates you the most now, the winning, being the champ, is it money, is it fame, is it the women? is it all of it, usain? >> it's everything. all a package.
everything comes there. but for me sh the fans are one of the biggest things for me. i really enjoy just going out and performing for the fans. the energy that they give me. >> when we return, so many scandals in one interview that went right off the rail. yes, i'm looking at you, robert blake. >> it's not about me, is it. >> yes, it is. because you open that door, charlie potatoes. i'm not going to sit here and let you or anybody else kick [ bleep ] out of me without defending myself. and you can take that to the [ bleep ] bank, charlie. if you want to show me the door, that's fine, too. while going shoeless and metal-free in seconds. and you...rent from national. because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle...and go. you can even take a full-size or above, and still pay the mid-size price. now this...will work. [ male announcer ] just like you, business pro. just like you. go national. go like a pro. anyone have occasional constipation,
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three big names. a scandal in tabloid headlines. each told me their sordid stories, only one had me actually fearing for my safety. here is an interview that i've never done before and i hope i don't have to again. my conversation with robert blake. do you remember the night that she died well or is it now something you've blocked out of your head? >> no, i remember it quite well. >> you went and had dinner at this restaurant. >> where are you going? >> i'm interested in what happened. >> no, you're not interested. what the hell are you doing? >> let me help you. there's no one talking to me.
okay? you haven't got a worry. there's nobody talking to me. these are my questions for you which are based in my view -- >> now you want to know what happened that night? >> i'm curious, yeah. >> no, you're not curious. >> i am. because you were acquitted. >> i thought you said you researched all this, so you know what happened that night. >> i know the facts of the night. >> what? tell me about the facts of the night. >> you take your wife to dinner to a restaurant. >> go ahead. >> your wife goes to the car. you go back to retrieve, as you say, your gun, which is in the restaurant. and when you return, your wife has been shot dead. when they test the gun that you go and retrieve, that is not the same gun that killed her. am i right so far? >> so far. >> factually correct. i have no agenda here at all. you clearly think i do. i don't. >> it sounds boring as hell. but go ahead. >> i don't think it's boring, your wife got murdered. >> your questions even what you just said, are you sure that the
people at the back give a [ bleep ] about any of this? >> i think you're here because you've written a book about your life. >> there's a lot more to my life than that night. >> but there's probably nothing more significant to your life than the -- >> [ bleep ]. >> really? than the murder of your wife? >> i didn't murder my wife. it may be significant to you. >> i didn't say you did. >> but it is to me. you said there's nothing more significant. >> than the murder of your wife. >> personally, it's not the most significant thing in my life. >> what is the -- >> the most significant thing in my life is when i was 2 years old and i found an audience. the next most significant thing is when i went to mgm as an extra and three years later i starred in my first film. you know, america just was going to war was the worst time in the world for america. but there's nothing more significant than a little boy with no parents, no friends, nothing, walking into mgm and three years later starring in
his first film. you know how significant that is? no, because you've never lived my life. >> it's my fault. there's no one else to blame for it. i wouldn't even begin to start pointing the finger at anybody because the reality of it is that i created it. i created my career and all those kind of things and the relationship, but i also screwed up badly. i take the full blame for it. the key thing now is to kind of like, you know, figure out how do i build all this back and how do i gain the trust of the children again and have a good relationship with the kids, which is so important to me. i love my kids dearly. and i love maria. i mean, i love maria. she has been truly the only love that i've ever had. and that's what is so pitiful about it. it's one thing if you have a situation like that and you say
i was ready to get out of this situation anyway, out of this marriage, but that's not the case. she was the most perfect wife. and she was extraordinary. >> you've hinted in some of the interviews you've given that you hope to get back with maria. in fact you've gone a bit further saying from her side that this may also be something that she may wish. do you think there's a good chance you could get back together? >> i cannot speak for maria. she has to speak for herself. but i can only tell you that i hope that eventually we can rebuild the relationship and that we'll be together as one family. >> what people find most incomprehensible is that somebody as successful as you, somebody as rich as you, as politically motivate at that time time would take such an extraordinary risk. but was it actually more complex, was the risk you were taking seemed like one of the safest risks you could take, somebody in your home that cue trust who wouldn't tell anybody?
was it more of that? >> i would say that it makes no difference, you know. it makes no difference what was going through my mind at the time. it doesn't clean up the mess. it doesn't soften the blow to my family. i mean, what i've done is just about the stupidest thing that any human being can do. >> before we get into politics and life and the universe, a certain story has bubbled up this week about you involving a certain videotape. >> yes, sir. >> how are you handling it? >> the big white elephant in the room we can't avoid. you take a deep breath. you have to make sure that you're honest because you have to be accountable. and you know, you address it and at the end of the day, you know, pray to god that those that love you and the people close to you, like your friends -- sometimes you don't even know if they're
your friends, but your children and your wife, that's who you are. you get on swags like your show and asks at the end of the day you realize it was a horrible choice. i am accountable. and any excuse i make whether it was a rough time in my life or the people that were there were my friends and they kind of like baited me to, none of that matters, it's just that you're accountable and honest. >> it must be very humiliating. have you ever been through anything quite like this where you actually have yourself having sex on a video that people are watching, especially in the internet age, how do you feel about that? >> never. and i've been through a lot of stuff. i've been through a lot of stuff with the federal government back in the '80s, the whole steroid controversy, divorce, i've been through so much stuff, but never have i ever been this embarrassed and never has my world been turned upside down in such a fashion. and without knowledge that someone would set a camera up.
admitted, hey, i did that. >> coming up, the biggest names in music, whitney houston and dick clark. >> this is the beaver that bit your hand. >> this isn't is same beaver, but this is the one that did it. exactly like this. >> did you ever touch a beaver? >> no. mississippi, alabama, louisiana or florida, they're gonna love it. shaul, your alabama hospitality is incredible. thanks, karen. love your mississippi outdoors. i vote for your florida beaches, dawn. bill, this louisiana seafood is delicious. we're having such a great year on the gulf, we've decided to put aside our rivalry. now is the perfect time to visit anyone of our states. the beaches and waters couldn't be more beautiful. take a boat ride, go fishing or just lay in the sun. we've got coastline to explore and wildlife to photograph. and there's world class dining with our world famous seafood. so for a great vacation this year, come to the gulf. its all fabulous but i give florida the edge. right after mississippi. you mean alabama.
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the world lost some beloved entertainers this year from larry hagman and andy griffith to davy jones o of the monkees and adam yao of the beastie boys. dick clark, the eternal teenager and the tragic loss of whitney houston. i can tell you're angry about what's happened here. the blame game has begun. a lot of people want to blame bobby brown. a lot of people want to blame the music business. some people want to blame everyone. what do you think? >> well, it's all of the above and a whole lot more. but it boils down to you. you know, i was introduced to certain people and to certain opportunities to use recreational drugs, and it boils down to whether i want to do it or not. and she was a strong-willed,
strong-minded girl. and i can't say that it's anybody's fault. >> would she have ever gone down that route, do you think, without bobby brown in her life? >> well, if not him, somebody else. if she wants to get high, if you want to get high, you're going to get high. >> do you think she had that tendency anyway? >> i think that we all as artists, because we're highly sensitive people, and this machine around us, this so-called music industry is such a demonic thing, it sacrifices people's lives and their essences at the drop of a dime. >> whitney houston was a friend of yours. you've been quite candid about trying to help her.
you rang her or felt compelled to ring her on the night that michael jackson died. >> yeah. >> because they were similar age, similar kind of problems. you realized she may be going through turmoil over that news. tell me about that. >> i haven't talked about it publicly, actually. i'm surprised that you know that how do you know that? >> i know everything, tyler. >> i called her that night and i had been trying to get her all day. she had donny hathaway's "a song for you" blasting in the background. i was surprised she could hear me. we talk for a while. she was really broken up about his death. i didn't know if she was thinking about herself. i was trying desperately to let her get me to come over to the house and sit with her o to make sure she was okay. whitney in true fashion, after me trying ten different times. listen, i'm a mother and i'm a woman and i'm single, and you're not coming over to my house in the middle of the night. in a way that only she could. but it's beyond tragic. and i was so disgued.
i must tell you i was so disgusted at the media and the way that they handled her death. it was so blatantly disrespectful. the paparazzi -- see, this is what i mean about fame and even in death. trying to get her, just her body from the morgue to the plane. >> because you supplied the plane, didn't you? >> i did. i did. and there was -- it was beyond awful. i tell you, we tried to send a hearse as a decoy. they found out we had the body in a van. and there are paparazzi 50 deep following the van. i had them move the plane into the hangar and close the door, bring the van in. one person, one of the hired drivers is trying to take pictures of them putting her body on the plane. it was just beyond disrespectful for her family and everyone else. and i understand she was a superstar, but she didn't deserve to be treated that way in the media toward the end, you
know? >> you knew dick clark for 40, 50 years. an absolute legend of the business. put him in context, historical context. how important was dick clark, do you think? >> he was a pioneer. you know, in the early days of television with "american bandstand," he revolutionized music on television as we pointed out earlier even before we went on. he had blacks and whites dance together. unheard of. a lot of young people watching would say, what? that's crazy. that was crazy then to put that on. risk taking. then he was involved in so many programs that the public didn't even know he -- >> here's the thing. i knew that you were responsible for this show alone before i came along for 7,000 shows. now dick clark apparently was responsible in all his guises
for 775,000 hours of television >> so many thing he touched, business manager, owned a radio network, quiz shows, radio talk shows. he produced donny and marie. you're going to have donny on. he produced their television show. >> if you could bottle the dick clark magic, what would you call it? what was the secret ingredient that he had? >> he was a great generalist. he could do anything. he was very, very good. you wouldn't go around quoting dick clark. you know, there's no memorable great moments, but he was kind of every man. he was there. he entered the room well. the camera liked him. he was gentle, he was kind, he was smart. he was revolutionary in music. for example, even as he aged, moe people get older, you and i -- i'm not saying you're old.
we cannot name the billboard top ten. >> but he could. >> he could name it. i'm sure he could have named it yesterday. >> next, happier moments, big stars playing it for laughs. three of my funniest guests of the year. i want you to kiss my chubby fingers in the way you just did in that clip. oh, my god, this is the most erotic thing that's ever happened to me. >> you poor baby. and a choice. take tylenol or take aleve, the #1 recommended pain reliever by orthopedic doctors. just two aleve can keep pain away all day. back to the news.
in my career i've gone head to head with world leaders, ceos, text geniuses and hollywood superstars. but you never know what you're going to get when you sit down with a comedian. >> what i like about you is you're a shameless plagerist. you've taken the book "fifty shades of gray" and you have a book cad "fifty shades of chartreuse." >> first of all, you are not saying it correctly. >> i'm married to a woman from france. i'm saying it correct. >> i just wanted to rip off the
title because i thought it was such a stupid book. >> have you read the book? >> i read like the first seven chapters and after that -- >> was interest anything in there you hadn't already done yourself? >> no, believe it or not i'm actually fairly conservative when it comes to sexual e escapades and you have several nights before going to bed. >> seriously? >> no. if you're going to hit me, do it out in the open but i don't want to do it sexually. did you read the entire trilogy? >> it's just unreadable. why do women want to read this -- no offense to the author, she's made billions on it. it's one of the most badly written books -- >> why would you read that? >> out of pure curiosity.
every woman i knew was reading it. i didn't get it. men would never read that stuff in a million years. >> it's a phenomenon. i don't profess to be a scholarly writer per se. i know my books are really silly and stupid but i at least think they're amusing to some degree. that was so poorly written and so done. it was insulting to anyone's intelligence to read that. and then my friend who is had suggested that i read it i e-mailed them and was like you should be ashamed of yourselves for finishing this kind of book. it's a piece of trash. >> what i can't believe is the wave you look because we all fell in love back in britain with fat, chubby ricky. >> i was not fat. >> you were pretty fat. and you drank a lot of beer. >> you didn't tell me then, did you? >> people said you look fantastic. you didn't say you looked terrible before. you should have said it first, i would have worked out faster. i keep throwing these trousers away, another pair have shrunk.
>> you were a standard for the fish and cheap eating guy. >> i still do that but i've discovered working pout. >> how much weight have you lost? >> not much at all, about 25 pounds. >> but that's still a lot. >> i i've done it by working out. i still eat too much but the next day i punish myself in the gym. i work out like rocky and then i feel great. >> even your teeth look gleaming. >> i haven't had them done. >> anything to them? >> i got some free -- those thins in a luxury lounge once. i thought they made me gag. >> what made you -- >> i brush them. i've always been clean. suddenly i'm fat and disgusting and didn't clean my teeth. you're rewriting history here. i had a few pounds. the beard helps. i wear black, i still do that. >> what made you go on this vanity kick? >> it wasn't a vanity kick.
it was a health kick, i'll tell you, the truth was. it was christmas, i was 48 a couple of christmases ago and i had 11 sausages and i sat there feeling ill. the number of times i said, jane, i'm having a heart attack, i'm having a heart attack. and i thought, you know what, life is good and i don't want to blow it. i don't want to go, hold on, just, what? so -- >> by the way, it wasn't just me because this dashing feature in men's health magazine, the feature we never thought we'd see of you of this immaculate kick boxing jer vaz. it says he went from bearly employed chubby loser to bad ass comedic orator. he went from losing to gut to gaining respect. >> i'm glad i lived this long to get to comedic orator.
otherwise it would be the death of a fat, chubby loser who never cleans his teeth and stinks. ricky ger vaz died today by sausages, death by sausages. >> one of my favorite bits is when you get together with the doors. you perform "reading rainbow" and apparently it gets completely out of hand. i'd like you to play out this show playing "reading rainbow" as the doors. >> this starts off with me goofing off in my writer's room, just going like -- ♪ ♪ ♪ butterfly in the sky, i can go twice as high ♪ take a look, it's in a book a
reading rainbow ♪ a reading rainbow ♪ i can go anywhere, i can go anywhere ♪ friends who know, ways to grow, a reading rainbow ♪ a reading rainbow, yeah ♪ the end, the end, in the cupboard ♪ there's a monster, there's a monster at the end of this book ♪ good night moon, good night stars, good night air ♪ good night